One more day that i've survived
Another night alone
Pay no mind I'm doing fine
I'm breathing on my own

Wake me when the hour arrives
Wake me with my name
See you somewhere down the line
We're teathered once again

I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Sat alone
Here we go

Close your eyes and stay a while
To take me where you go
Single file we walk the mile
Who's wandering back home

I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend

I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Sat alone
Here we go
 

Without actors, television shows would just be bound scripts hawked on street corners by newsies. Instead of seeing them unfold on our screens while we vegetate, we'd actually have to read. So thank goodness for the talented men and women that bring those words to life each week, but boo to the casting directors that sometimes ruin a great character with the wrong actor. Here'sour look back at the best and worst castings of 2008.

BEST: Amy Ryan on "The Office"
We're not used to Academy Award winners making good follow-up decisions (see: Cuba Gooding Jr.), but God bless award nominee Amy Ryan for deciding that the thing she wanted to do most of all with her newfound leverage was be on the funniest show on TV.

WORST: Molly Shannon and Selma Blair on "Kath & Kim"
How do you take a popular Australian comedy that is entertaining, amusing and a big hit and turn it into something that is nearly unwatchable? Add these two gals.

BEST: Sarah Chalke on "How I Met Your Mother"
We're not sure the folks over at HIMYM could have found a more perfect person to play Ted's almost wife. Chalke's Stella was smart, funny, a good mom, tolerated all of Ted's wackiness and his friends, and we really wanted her to be the mother.

WORST: The Kids on "90210"
With the possible exceptions of Navid Shirazi (played by Michael Steger) and Dixon Wilson (Tristan Wild), each one of the spray-tanned, emaciated moppets in this reboot of the classic nineties teen soap is worse than the next.

BEST: Brian Austin Green on "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
We're dead serious - his acting is of a very high quality on this show, and he is consistently the best part of it. The scene where he took John to see his father playing in a park as a child had us bawling crocodile tears.

WORST: Anna Torv on "Fringe"
Anna Torv is an enigma to us. She's beautiful, seems to be a passably competent actress, has very shiny hair and she hasn't spit on us or anything, so why don't we love her? Maybe it's because she has no chemistry whatsoever with Joshua Jackson, which just makes her casting that much more baffling.

BEST: Katey Sagal on "Sons of Anarchy"
As Gemma, Sagal is a leather-clad Lady Macbeth with a hatbox full of handguns, and in the hands of a less competent actress would be a ridiculous and unsympathetic piece of trash, but Sagal manages to play her with a quiet vulnerability and an integrity that keeps her grounded, believable and even likable.

WORST: Everyone But Car on "Knight Rider"
This remake has a slew of wooden actors and a boring-as all-hell Val Kilmer providing KITT's voice. While the car itself is sexy, we kind of wish that it would shut up sometimes. Actually, if the show was just the car driving around and silently fighting crime, it probably would be better. But anything that involves talking? That's when the trouble starts.

BEST: Willa Holland on "Gossip Girl"
So called "rebellious" teens on TV are a dime a dozen these days, so watching Willa Holland nail the portrayal of unhinged teen model Agnes was a refreshing revelation. Her performance was both a perfect foil for tentative teen punk novice Jenny Humphrey and a pretty faithful rendering of that special breed of narcissistic young spark plug one sees in the bars and clubs of Manhattan (and the tabloids).

WORST: Robin Tunney on "The Mentalist"
It's not that she's not specifically suited for her role on this CBS procedural per se, it's that she's remarkably unsuited to play pretty much any role. She sure knows how to suck the life out of a show.

1)    Number one is easy. I’ll explain. I was tagged by my friend Conner to complete a "16 random things"…..apparently about me. I'll first say that I love a challenge, so the option to not complete this was not an option. Secondly, nothing I include in this post is random. So, please enjoy!
http://worshipcity.wordpress.com/2008/10/24/16-random-things/

2)    I didn’t get my first driver’s license until I was almost 24 years old! The only reason I can give for this is procrastination!

3)     My hubby and I have been married for almost 16 years! I have known him almost 20. This actually scares me.

4)     To spur from thought number 3, we were 20 years old when we married on Feb 6^th 1993. Our wedding colors were hunter green and mauve (giggles allowedJ). Justin’s grandparent’s 50^th anniversary was the day we were married. Which is really cool and inspires me!

5)     I’ve focused really hard on losing weight this year, specifically since March. So far I’ve lost 74 pounds. I have about 15 more to go before hitting my goal. I’ve not weighed what I weigh now since I was in 10^th grade!

6)     When I was little I wanted to be a dancer. I still do.

7)     I’ve only had 4 jobs in the last 20 years, 6 in my entire working life.

8)     My two sisters are truly my best friends. We always have a blast with each other and I know they are the only two who really, truly know who I am.

9)    As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to own my own business. I tend to lean towards a restaurant or service industry business. I have about 15 business ideas bouncing in my head at all times!

10)  I battled an eating disorder for 17 years. When I was 14 I read an article on bulimia and it seemed like a rational idea at the time. I would have never imagined how it would begin to control my thoughts and actions. Over the course of the 17 years I went through good periods and bad periods. Some of my worst periods of time were in my late 20’s. I have hand written journal entries from that time and I’ve read them over and over….its scary to realize what an awful experience that was. The battle made me question my self worth over and over again and played with my emotions as a wife, friend and human being all together. I am eternally grateful for my two best friends, Tracie and Victoria, who have always accepted me AS IS and who encouraged me through out the journey. Over time, I have learned a lot about the disease and was able to break free from it, thankfully.

11)  My parents moved…a lot….when I was a child. I once changed schools 7 times in one year.

12)   I love kitties! I would love to have a couple acres of land and build a cat rescue.

13)  When I am planning a party or event I rarely sleep. I can not shut my head off. But ironically enough, I’m not tired either. I think the creativity fuels me.

14)  My sisters and I went to Vegas this summer. We arrived on Thursday afternoon after having 2 hours of sleep the night before. Over the course of 4 days, I got about 8 hours of sleep total. It was incredible!

15)  Saying I love you is harder for me than saying I’m sorry, and that’s pretty damn hard.

16)  I like to think back to when I was 12 or 13 and my parent had reconciled after the 3^rd separation. My family moved to Oklahoma the summer of 1985. From then on my parents were different. I learned about forgiveness then. I also can think back and remember my dad getting up before the sunrise to head to work. Everyday when he arrived home my mom had a glass of iced tea waiting for him and supper cooked. I remember eating together, and my dad would always bless the food before we ate. He said the same prayer every night……it’s what he felt comfortable with. If I close my eyes and it’s really quiet, I can remember his prayer by heart. I miss those days.  

I was at Academy Sports today looking for games for a Business Expo I have for work this week. My company is going with a "fun" theme this year rather than the typical "black suits" and "hi how ya doing" greetings. We are going to play sports related games and we are going to wear "referee" outfits...tying the referee theme into our give-a-ways. I picked up a couple games and was browsing through the tennis shoes because I've been toying with the idea of buying a pair of sneakers. To my left was a couple with a child, prolly about 5 or 6 at the oldest. The couple was bi-racial and I only say that to point out that the little girl had the most beautiful skin color, incredible light brown curly hair and her eyes were beautiful.

However, I felt terribly sorry for this child because her mother was one of the most unloving humans I have ever been in the same room with. The child was looking at some shoes and was asking a ton of questions and the moms response was the same over and over…."shut up”, "shut up", "shut up" and then the child spun around like she was twirling as a ballerina and the mom grabbed her face and was about 3 inches from her child’s face and screamed "I said stop it and shut up, you are getting on my nerves". The mom (if you want to call her that) totally humiliated her child but more than that she totally humiliated herself only she didn't realize it. I was in the store almost an hour and I could hear this woman berating her child on every aisle that I went down. I do not know this woman nor do I care to know her….but in all honesty I wanted to punch her in the face. By nature I am not an angry or a violent person. I get mad and annoyed like everyone does...but something with in me was taking over and I had to be the bigger person and literally force myself to 1) not say something to her and 2) take a running start and totally tackle her ass right there on the shoe aisle of Academy. I wanted her to feel how she made her child feel.

I left Academy and went to Target for groceries then headed home to cook lunch.....but I could not get this girl out of my head. I suppose because I have not been able to conceive a child of my own nor do I know if I will ever be blessed with the incredible news that I am pregnant....but my heart was deeply saddened by this mothers approach to her child. What I would give to be able to hear a child laugh in my home....or be able to sing songs with my child or be able to go to the park or to feel the warmth and heartbeat of a tender little baby in my arms while I rock her to sleep.

How blessed is this woman to have a precious little soul that should be loved so much…...

For this woman to take that for granted kills me, crushing her little spirit broke my heart.

I know parenting is hard. I know kids can be annoying. I know that parents get tired and worn out and they hate to repeat themselves over and over again. But please do not tell your child to shut up. Telling your child to shut up is the most unacceptable response that any parent could give their child, no matter what they are doing or asking.

I've not posted on my "weight loss" journey in depth for my own personal reasons. But tonight I just wanted to get some thoughts out. Really for no other reason than "historical data"; something I can look back on and smile.

For all of my life, as far back as I can remember anyway, I've always been the type to do what ever I truly set my mind to. If I wasn't passionate about it, it didn't get done. If I was passionate about it, come hell or high water, I would do it. There is no in between for me. I am not necessarily proud of this behavior pattern but it works well for most things :)

In March 2008 I was "fed up" with weighing...well...what I weighed. I suppose most women are secretive about their "poundage"...let's just say....mine was quite significant poundage. I trained my brain to think "you don't look like you weigh" what I weighed. But honestly, I did. I knew 100% that I was overweight to an unhealthy degree. I have Insulin Resistance and I am "in line" to inherit the diabetes that runs in my family. In addition, heart disease runs on both sides of my fam. So, it was heading for me too....it was only a matter of time.

In one day I literally traded in my horrible eating habits for much better ones. Since March 11th, I have eaten fast food only twice, I have given up my once beloved cheese and my even more beloved candy. Soft drinks - gone. Mayo - no more. Candy - only York Peppermint Patties for me (very low fat and delish!). Basically I munch on a diet of fresh fruits, low fat foods, lean chicken, very little red meat, and any other morsel that I can find in "fat free".

So, as of August 26th, I have lost 63 pounds and dropped 8 sizes...it's almost unbelievable to me. It's been really motivating for me to receive the response that I have. It's nice being complimented on my success. This evening, I was trying on some clothes that I bought last weekend and when I tossed the pants on the bed, the "size tag" was staring me square in the face. I looked at it and I was literally shocked. I stood there for what felt like an hour just staring at it. I don't think I really realized until that moment that I was no longer in "plus sized" clothing, I no longer have to search for "XXL" and then become disappointed when it didn't look as cute on me as it did on the model.

Here’s the deal though…..my brain has hit that pivotal moment when (based on my track record), my self confidence gets hit “below the belt”. I form these destructive thoughts in my head that tell me that I wasn’t “normal” before or “accepted” before. I try everyday to not take this path, it’s a daily battle, but it’s one I hope to win. I suppose I can always just set my mind to it….

I had my first sip of the lusciously delish roasted bean beverage just a little over 4 years ago. I’d never been a "coffee drinker" even though both my parents have been "coffee drinkers" for my entire life. My office was on Sherwood Forest at the time and about 4 years ago ground was broken and soon the familiar green and white sign with the topless mermaid in the center was raised high in the heavens. My co-worker asked me to go often and I finally caved. Of course, the only beverage I chose to consume was a frappucino....which really doesn't classify as coffee at all. More like a milkshake. But that's where the addiction began. So, I sipped my mocha frapps for a little over a year and once winter set in, it was too cold to consume the frothy goodness. So the barista suggested a "hot cafe` mocha". I was hesitant but eventually took the bait.

One sip of the rich, creamy, mocha-lish-ous-ness and I WAS HOOKED! 

Over the next few months I left the chilly thoughts of my frapp behind and plunged wholly into the café` mocha. My inexperience with the hot beverage eventually morphed into a “triple venti, non fat, extra hot, no whip mocha”.

"My Starbucks" knew me and my drink with out me saying a word. I liked it and my love affair with Starbucks was solid.

About 6 months ago I began cutting back on calories and fat intake and have since downsized my drink. I generally order a grande` but occasionally will opted for a tall. I still frequent “my starbucks” because they know me. It’s consistently right and always delicious. On the weekends I tend to visit the two locations closest to me. One of the locations gets it right every time, the other location however, not so much. This morning was one of their off mornings. I ordered my drink and pulled to the window. She handed me my tall coffee and quickly closed the window. As I pulled around the store and took my first sip…disappointment set in. I like, no, I love my mocha EXTRA HOT….so I always order it EXTRA HOT. It is procedure to serve hot drinks around 130/ 140 degrees….so when you order it EXTRA HOT…the milk should be steamed to minimum 160 degrees. This one was not 160 degrees. I immediately became angry. As much as I hate to admit that…but it’s the truth. I took about 4 sips and placed it in my cup holder and turned my back on my beloved mocha.

While I am over the episode now, I am determined to contact the corporate office to report the inconsistencies of this particular starbucks. It’s poor management, period.

in my dreams i love you like a snowstorm in the night
the windows open wide here comes reflected light

but do dreams ever do damage to life?
when you need so much you can't get it right

• Leave for Vegas in 1 day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Made a "new" really awesome friend who keeps me sane
• Things that use to really bother me just kind of bother me now
• Work is good. and busy. Still not in the Operations role but it's cool
• I've always had confidence in myself but I now have self confidence (see below)
  
• Weight update! 43 pounds gone! AND COUNTING!!
• We have two new staff members at our church, Jill and Ian, who are also engaged
• I was stranded on the side of the road between Satsuma and Holden -  I really never thought those words would come from my lips....
• I was reminded that jealousy makes you look foolish
• I HAVE HOT PINK HIGHLIGHTS!! WOO HOO! (okay okay, they are clip ins, but soooo freakin cool!)
• Started doing pilates about 3 months ago and love it! I am pursuing becoming a certified pilates instructor! Wanna join my class??
• I was reminded how words from others really effect my self image
• I was reminded that I do not need someones approval to do what i feel is best for me

• Justin received a promotion at work.
• I received a promotion at work.
• Still in our apartment but hopefully 6 more months and then we will be out!
• Justin was in a wreck. Not too bad but still makes him nervous when he turns into our apt complex, since that's where it happened.
• My best friend moved to Texas.
• My other best friend maybe moving to Iowa.
• Great friends of ours had babies! Ms. Ireland Grace (my heart!) Ducote, Mr. Gavin Conner - cutie pie - Byrd!
• Two other friends of mine are pregnant.
• I'm not pregnant:) but that's okay.....(see below :)
• First mother's day in a really long time that I wasn't depressed because I am NOT a mother!!
• I've lost 24 pounds (and counting!)
• Went to San Juan, Puerto Rico! WOO HOO!
• Had my luggage sent to San Jose`, Ca (...while my plane went to San Juan, Puerto Rico :)
• Only had about 4 oz of alcohol in 4 months (interesting, but not sure why?!?!)
• Planning a trip to Vegas in July with my sisters! WHAT FUN, RIGHT!
• My sister in law got remarried!
• More changes at work! (good and bad)
• Switched to a 5 blade razor! Didn't like it at first but 4 blades will no longer do!
• Made it through a very long Writer's Strike.
• Watched Pulp Fiction for the first time (and had nightmares for 2 days!) (the dude living in the basement! CREEPY!)